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Can we talk about how much I HATE the term "BBW"? I mean, really. I'm not one of those girls who is in denial about how I look, how much I weigh or the fact that, in describing me, one might mention those things. I get that. If I were describing someone who looked like me to someone else, I'd say, "you know that chick who's really short, kinda fat, big boobs, brown hair with blonde streaks...?" Kinda fat. That's generally what I go to. Cause it's not "hugely fat" (though I might use that terminology too... especially if I don't like you) and it's not patronizing. And it's not the ONLY thing I define someone by. Let's break down BBW. Big. Beautiful. Woman. Ok. Some might say, "It's only big! What's wrong with big?" And it's not the "big" that bothers me. It's the combination of words. The point is to describe the person as fat and attractive. I think the implication that the two don't generally go together is what bothers me. Like I've overcome some obstacle of fatness to still make it to attractiveness. Yeah, she's fat, but she's PRETTY. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "you're pretty in the face," or "you look so nice for a girl of your size." I've had dark-skinned black girls tell me they get the same kind of remarks. Like they've overcome being dark-skinned to make it to someone's definition of attractive. Having dark skin does not automatically make you unattractive. Being fat doesn't either. Like those girls are not defined by the color of their skin, I am not defined by my fatness.



The other reason I dislike the term is totally different. There is a subset of men who want/like/date "BBW"s. They say things like, "I like BBWs." Or, "hey, you're a good looking BBW." And to them I say, "I am not a section of porn, thanks." Because that is what BBW makes me think of. Like you've got a page full of different kinds of porn and if you like fat chicks, you're gonna click the BBW link. I don't want to be what you get when you click that. I am not here to be evaluated based on how I look and I'm certainly not here to provide you with some sort of sexual... ANYTHING. I am wary of men who use the term because it implies a preoccupation with weight. It's similar to how I AVOID AT ALL COST black men who ONLY date white women. It implies a preoccupation with skin color. I am not just a skeleton with fat stuck on there. I am not just a pile of tissue covered in white skin. I am a PERSON. I have insides. My outer coverings are totally inconsequential. And I don't wanna know you if you don't think so. If you're more interested in how pale I am or how much I weigh than WHO I AM, what I think, how I feel, what I know, etc. WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. I won't date you. I won't give you the time of day. Sorry. Get a watch.

I've recently come into a different way of thinking about the word "fat." I was directed to an article a few days ago written by a woman who was tired of people avoiding the word around her, to describe her. And I get that. I often refer to myself as fat because I'm not scared of what *I* mean by it. But I have always been super sensitive to anyone else making comments about my weight. No matter how they say it. But that article has made me realize that I'm not afraid of the word "fat." I am afraid of what other people could be implying by using the word. In our culture, fat is equated with lazy, unattractive, unmotivated, not involved, apathetic, etc. So when someone called me "fat," I inferred all that other stuff. And, let's be honest, very few people in my life have called me fat in a nice or neutral way. Nine times out of ten, in my life, if someone's called me fat, they did it to hurt me. So if that's what they mean, that's how I take it. That's how I've always heard it, so that's what it means to me. It's twenty-four years in the making. It's not easy to undo that kind of damage. But I'm working through it.

Just please. For the love of God. Never call me a BBW. Ok? I won't get past that one. I'd honestly rather you call me fat. But don't call me that either. Unless you've been given specific permission. ;)

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